Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
