just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
