Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
