where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
