There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize