just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
