If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Semen is not good for contacts.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
