Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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