i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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