Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
