I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
did i just pee glitter
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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