he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
