Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You're a waste of cheezeits
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
