benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
