upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
