what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
