I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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