her facebook's as public as her vagina
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
