that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
