As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
