I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
