We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
