I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
