I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
