took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
