Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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