Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
