Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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