Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
