My hand turned me down
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
