i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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