Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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