you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
