I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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