i think my mom watched the whole time
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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