i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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