Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
