I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
