I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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