I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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