Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
