One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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