Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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