yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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