if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
