Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
