i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
