Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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