That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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