ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
