your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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