u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
