Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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