soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
