So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
