I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
