In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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