Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
