I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
