He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
