Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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