Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
