I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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