Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
