so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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