I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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