i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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