yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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