Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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