i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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