I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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