She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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