Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
last night I used snow as a chaser
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
