Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
