eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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