peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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