I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
