I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
