from now on my penis is your penis
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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