Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
